Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize