ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
