Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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