after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
