Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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