So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
