I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
