I'm sorry my penis didn't work
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
tell me about the fingering
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize