Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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