Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Randomize
