i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
