Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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