Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
