i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
