So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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