I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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