I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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