I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
