Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
