it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
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