using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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