i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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