Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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