i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize