New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
