Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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