So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
