Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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