You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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