who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
