I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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