oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
