Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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