I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
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I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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