I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I stole a fireplace last night.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
