so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
