He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
