forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I party with great urgency now.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
