I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
no you cant smoke seaweed
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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