i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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