please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize