Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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