I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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