I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
