Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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