guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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