I just cut my nipple shaving
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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