I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
