Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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