I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
