I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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