It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
