I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
