Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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