my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
