i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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