I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
