Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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