I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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