i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
