woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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