I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
