Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
