I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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